Hey Lady! Do You Sell Spit?

There are things that doctors tell you, but you don’t really understand the meaning. Well, that was the case with cancer treatments resulting in my lack of saliva production. That didn’t seem like a big deal at the time, but it really is a problem.

A couple of weeks ago, I am picking up my car from some repairs and decide to make a pass through town to do long overdue errands, despite the bad clothes, messed up hair, 5 days worth of stubble and a little car grime.
Going into the only store that will carry my “saliva substitute” I find a line at the pharmacy that extends the width and length of the store and the young lady at the cash register is snarling. So I circle the store, impulse buy and scare the hell out of other shoppers with my appearance.

Finally, the line is gone and I step up to the counter. The young girl at the cash register doesn’t look up as she barks “can I help you?” Just grunting I continue to empty my hands, giving her time enough to be irritated and truly focus her attention on me. Perfect!

Babbling and acting nervous, like a 14 year old trying to buy condoms, I finally ask her “Ummm, I was wondering, umm… do you sell spit?” Speechless, she crosses her arms and scowls at me. The pharmacist looks up from his tasks, worried about what kind of old NUT he has at the front counter.

Giving a full 5 count, I apologize, pointing at the shelf where my order is at telling her that it’s really called saliva substitute and it’s...

Rattled, she goes the other way, barking something about not having it and that I would have to special order something like that. Again I point at the order and try to tell her I HAD actually ordered it … as she cuts me off, INSISTING that it has to be a special order. I point at the shelf and started to speak as … she cuts me off again.

Finally the irritated pharmacist walks around to the counter, grabs the two boxes and hands them to her. She marches up to the cash register and starts to scan them in, stating rather indignantly that “she wasn’t sure that’s what it was called” HA! I got her again, saying: “What? The brand name spit? Nobody would buy THAT!”

I start to explain to her that I can’t get pharmacies to take this matter seriously; they either laugh and walk off or refuse to carry it for long because they can’t make any money on it and ask her to order it ahead for me. Still irritated, she proclaims that she does not understand what the big deal is and I can just order more when I run out.

The pharmacist bounds forward, eager to demonstrate some customer service to his trainee, telling me he takes this seriously, explains to her that I can't ever run out and asks me if I had ever tried eye drops. Now I have to wonder if I am about to get “the business” back for a change right? No, he is suggesting that I use medicated eye drops in my mouth to gain better control than with the drugs I am using.

The young girl’s eyes widen as the pharmacist and I banter at the level of any two medical professionals. Suddenly that greasy, homeless looking “hillbilly” went from wiping snot on his sleeve and yelling “hey lady, du u sell spit?” to a needy and intelligent customer. She put on her coat and started to leave as I shouted behind her “hey lady, do u sell spit?, leaving me to laugh about this one for days and wonder if the message I was sending her sank in.
Next time, I wear a suit eh?
Work retail? If you see me coming, RUN!

Home again!

Hey all, its been a while.

We have been back home for months, we rather fearful of my losing my job at the School due to budget cuts, I am scrambling to actually get another part time job I was asked to take with the US Census Bureau. They are a little concerned that I might be Law Enforcement due to my activities with various cyber-defence and forensics orgs. I hope I can straiten this out because I really need more work and very soon!

The good news!

The car is fixed, finally! I had the diagnosis correct (MAP sensor) but was rather nervous about dropping say $500 I didn't really have into the repair and not actually fix it. I wasn't getting the error codes from the computers because ...

The BULB was burnt out?? How embarrassing, but I got a certified tech to give it a once over and it runs like a champ! now all I have to do is keep it that way. Now lets see if I can get the silly thing to get over 60 MPG.

For those of you who know me well, you know I had very bad luck with "the big cancer org", they were very nasty and abusive. I found, what looks like a very good support org http://oralcancersupport.org.

They seem to appreciate the pranks I pulled on the medical staff and see humor as important as I do, no matter what monster you are jousting with. Check the "MY PICS" link at the top of the page to see pics of the 2 biggest pranks I pulled. Watch for MORE, the best one is yet to come!